I recently spoke to a class of undergraduate students in a mindfulness class at University of Texas. After guiding them through a short body scan, I asked them a few questions:
- What does stress FEEL like in your body? in your mind?
- What does RELAXED feel like?
- What is the difference between RELAXED and CALM?
Many said they had never thought of this before and struggled to identify what they actually felt in their bodies for different emotions. But understanding the actual experience of different emotional states is essential to managing stress and cultivating personal resilience.
Name it to tame it.
The way we label an emotion matters. It not only lets others know how we feel, but also tells a story to ourselves about how we see the world around us and our experiences.
We don’t have to get complex in our emotional description, but we do need to be precise. Words have meaning, and we hold that meaning in our body, so selecting your words mindfully matters.
Semantics matter.
Think about the difference between words like angry, frustrated, or irritated, and notice how each one feels slightly different in your body and mind. When your mom chided you for using the word “hate”, she may have been on to something. Shifting instead to “dislike” or “don’t care for” may have less of an emotional punch.
In the same way, we can affect our emotional experience by being more intentional in our word choice. As a mental skill, labeling emotions not only builds self awareness, but also can help you ride the waves of daily stressors.
Unpacking the peace: what’s the difference?
While calm and relaxed are related, there are some important differences that can provide insight to help you navigate challenging experiences with greater equanimity. Think about how you typically use these words and then read on for some thoughts on how to use them more intentionally.
Let’s consider some different ways of thinking about these two emotions.
- Relaxed is often associated with a physical state. It describes a feeling of looseness, ease and freedom from tension. It is often described in tandem with something you are doing/have done, as in “I feel relaxed after a massage.”
- Relaxed can also describe an atmosphere, meaning a more informal, less rigid environment. On a pesonal level, this might describe someone who is less formal and more easygoing in nature.
- Calm indicates a state of peace and serenity, or a lack of agitation, even in stressful circumstances (think of the calm amidst the storm).
- Calm may also indicate a clear focused presence.
Sometimes the words calm and relaxed are used interchangeably. However, there may be times when being precise matters, and knowing what you are aiming for can help you thrive in any situation. Read on for two examples.
Calm vs. relaxed: which state should you pursue?
If you are unwinding at the end of a hard training session or competition, relaxation may be key to help you release tension you have been carrying around. Doing a quick body scan to drop tension and letting your mind drift away from the day’s stressors can allow you to fully unwind and recharge for the next day.
If you are preparing for a big event, on the other hand, a focus on relaxation may be helpful for releasing excess tension, but TOO much relaxation and you may start missing important cues in the game and your accuracy may suffer. Instead, a focus on being calm may prove more helpful. Maintaining a calm focus can help you perform the task at hand and stay focused on what counts during difficult setbacks that will arise along the way.
Let’s work together!
Both states of calm and relaxed are important, and honestly, something we could all use a little more of. As you put these words into practice in your sport and daily life, think about how you can be more precise to move yourself towards the energetic state you desire.
If you would like more help in finding calmness and relaxation in your body and mind, reach out to me for a complimentary 20-minute consultation! I look forward to working with you.
