I thought I was immune to mindless scrolling when I resisted downloading TikTok and avoided endless chatter on Facebook. But my downfall came when my daughter introduced me to the unlimited supply of funny pet reels on Instagram. Soon, five minutes became thirty as I rolled with laughter at each subsequent video. Of course, one could argue that a laughter break is healthy, and a much better distraction than many of the alternatives. Still, I couldn’t help but cringe knowing I had given away a solid 30 that I could’ve used to chip away at my task list. I felt determined to take control of my attention once more.
With so many things pulling on our attention these days, calming your mind might seem like an impossible task. The phone is pinging you, the baby is crying or the cat is throwing up another hairball right in front of you. What was that thing you were about to do? The thought has already gone out the window.
Endless articles tell us to just put down our phones, but apparently even that may not be enough to encourage focus. Perhaps you have noticed this when, in an effort to focus, you turn your phone down on top of the table and find yourself checking it periodically “just to see.” As I gaze longingly at my face-down phone on the desk next to me, I recognize that I am certainly not immune to this phenomenon.
Just focus!
Have you ever had a time when you needed to focus but found yourself constantly distracted by every external noise or even by the internal noise in your head from a steady stream of thoughts? You have an important task at hand that you really desire to do well, and yet concentration is as elusive as a late night Uber. “Is it time for lunch yet? Why am I so tired today? I’ll never get this right! I just need a quick break and then I will get down to business.”
A distracted mind can be more than just annoying. For someone in a high-demanding field, the ability to focus attention on the task at hand is critical to success. For an athlete, it may mean the game. For a surgeon or first responder, it may mean a life. With so much at stake, it makes sense to spend time training the attention. But where to start?
Distraction as an avoidance mechanism.
While distraction can sometimes be an effective coping mechanism to manage stress (like when you take a short walk in nature to boost creativity), it can also become a way of avoiding the anxiety induced by the present demands. For example, an athlete may experience a setback in a match and, instead of staying present and strategizing the next play, he becomes embroiled in self-criticism and catastrophic thinking. Or perhaps you need to crank out some pages of your manuscript to meet a deadline, but rather than deep focus, your mind begins to think about all the reasons that you should have picked a different career. (Confession: While writing this blog, I got stuck and found myself thinking exactly that!)
Whether you find yourself procrastinating important tasks, or your mind is spinning with ruminating thoughts, the distractions that plague you are often a sneaky defense mechanism your mind uses to get you out of uncomfortable spaces. Rather than focusing on the present moment, the focus shifts to anything but. To complicate matters further, the more you try to focus, the more impossible it seems. Let’s talk about how to take a first step toward becoming present-moment minded.
Stress: It’s not just in the mind.
Knowing we need to be focused, but finding our brain flooded with distracting thoughts, we may quickly find ourselves feeling stressed. When we experience stress, our sympathetic nervous system is activated, and we experience physiological symptoms like elevated heart rate, faster breathing, and muscle tension – more reason to worry!
Rather than trying to shut the door on worrisome thoughts, the doorway to our attention is found in the body. By shifting the body into a more relaxed state, the thoughts slow down, and we can reconnect with the present moment. Luckily, we have access to a simple tool for dropping tension and resetting focus: the breath. A breathing practice is free, portable, and accessible to everyone, regardless of your starting point.
The power of the breath.
By simply bringing your attention to the breath, you can enhance your well-being and improve the likelihood of a successful outcome. Breathing from your belly activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which acts as a brake to the stress response. By allowing your lower bellow to fully expand on your inhale, and completely deflate on the exhale, much like a balloon, the physiological symptoms of stress begin to subside.
Why does this work? Relaxed, abdominal breathing sends messages to the brain that you are NOT in a life-threatening situation. A few minutes of relaxed breathing can slow the heart rate, decrease excess muscle tension and create mental space to respond rather than react to the situation at hand.
I am too stressed to calm down!
If you have been in stress mode for a while, it might seem like relaxation and a calm mind are only for other people, people that go to yoga studios and meditate for hours. The good news is you don’t need a fancy mat, limber muscles or even a candle to learn to calm down. You just need a willingness to start where you are, right now.
Try these simple steps to get your breath practice started:
- Any posture will do. While sitting or lying down may be helpful, it is not always an option. You can notice your breath while standing in line, walking or even during short breaks in play during a game. The more times you practice, the better you will become at calming your body and mind. Whatever position you choose, try to lengthen your spine to create more space for your diaphragm to activate and your belly to inflate.
- Focus on the exhale. Just as you must empty a glass before refilling it with water, the same is true for your lungs. When we are stressed, we often focus on a bigger inhale, but forget that we need to empty first! If it helps, open the mouth on the exhale and let the air out completely. Let the next inhale come in naturally through your nose, and then focus on completely exhaling again.
- Place your attention at the tip of your nose. Once you are able, close the mouth and breathe in and out only through the nose. Let your attention rest on the tip of your nostrils and feel the cool breath flowing in and warm breath flowing out. Keep the breath soft, smooth and connected, without any holding between breaths. Focusing your attention on a point like the nostrils acts as an anchor, bringing your attention back to the breath when the mind wanders. Over time, this simple practice will strengthen your attentional control.
- Drop tension as you exhale. With each out breath, scan your body for tension and imagine it draining away. Pay special attention to the eyes, jaw, neck and shoulders, as these are hot spots of chronic tension. Try repeating silently, “Inhale, I welcome the breath. Exhale, I let go of stress and tension.”
- Use imagery to enhance your practice. Images are a powerful way to communicate with your body and can suggest instant relaxation to your muscles and breath. Imagine waves washing up on shore (maybe even filling you up from toes to head) as you inhale, and rolling back out on the exhale. Or you might imagine a balloon floating up, up and up on your inhale, and slowly floating down on the exhale. Whatever you choose, engage all your senses to enhance the experience, and watch the tension melt away!
- Let go of expectations. Remember that there is no “right” way to do the practice. Let go of expectations of what you should or should not feel or experience. Just notice what shows up for you today. Over time, your body will learn to respond to your practice.
- Choose one thing. Now that your mind has calmed down, ask yourself what is one action you can focus on right now that will help you move forward on the present task. Giving yourself a clear direction that is within your control will help you reset focus and gain momentum toward success.
Whether I am working with a soccer team or a business team, I am often told their favorite part is the breathing practice, because of how it makes the clients feel at the end. In just a few short minutes, you, too, can begin to put the brakes on your stress and reset your attention on what matters most, when it counts, every time.
If you want to learn how to calm your mind, reach out to me for a Complimentary Coach Up Call. I look forward to helping you develop a present moment mindset.
